Sweet Surrender
by dayglo1
Summary: Second in my CJ/Toby post-ep friendship series


Title: Sweet Surrender  
  
Summary: you strip away the ugliness/ that surrounds me/ Are you an angel/ am I already that gone/ I only hope that I won't disappoint you/ when I'm down here on my knees/ And sweet / And I don't understand/ by the touch of your hand/ I would be the one to fall  
  
Author's Note: The next part in my CJ/Toby friendship post-ep series. The next part of Miles to Go will hopefully be out soon too. I just moved back to college and my new computer ate my files. Thank you for your patience.  
  
Archive: Sure, just tell me.  
  
Feedback: Makes me very, very happy.  
  
Spoilers: Post-ep to In the Shadow of Two Gunmen II, so everything up to there is game.  
  
It doesn't mean much  
it doesn't mean anything at all  
  
  
I sit in my office waiting for Toby. He doesn't want me to drive home because of my head. As I sit in the dark with my head leaning against the couch, memories begin to come at me, all jumbled up in my weary mind.  
  
  
the life I've left behind me  
is a cold room  
  
  
For years, Toby and I were friends. Then we got into a huge fight. We both said things that seemed unforgivable to us at the time. And so, I left. I returned to California and worked with EMILY's List for a while, then started doing PR in LA. I convinced myself that I didn't need Toby, that I was just fine without him.  
  
  
I've crossed the last line  
from where I can't return  
where every step I took in faith betrayed me  
and led me from my home  
  
  
I was wrong. Five years after I left, I called him. It was too hard to do this on my own anymore. As much as I hated to admit it, I needed him.  
  
Several months later, he showed up at my house. There's this man he told me, who was running for president and he's the real thing. I didn't know what to do. Could we be friends again without destroying each other? But on the other hand, I wasn't happy in LA. This wasn't where I belonged.  
  
  
And sweet  
sweet surrender  
is all that I have to give  
  
  
And so, I said yes.   
  
  
You take me in  
no questions asked  
you strip away the ugliness  
that surrounds me  
Are you an angel  
am I already that gone  
  
  
When I saw Toby again, I fell into my pool. There I was, after not seeing him for almost six years, standing in front of him soaking wet, blind, and pissed at the entire world. And still, he asked me to join him on the campaign. After all that had passed between us, he thought that I could do it. I realized in that moment that he needed me as much as I needed him.  
  
  
I only hope that I won't disappoint you  
when I'm down here on my knees  
  
  
Tonight, I fell to my knees as gunfire exploded around me. It turns out Sam pushed me down. I don't really remember much, but I remember lying on the ground and wondering where Toby was, if he was okay, if he was alive. And I remember knowing that I had to get up. There was too much I needed to do. I knew it was what Toby would expect of me.  
  
  
And sweet...  
And I don't understand  
by the touch of your hand  
I would be the one to fall  
  
  
I followed him. After five years of silence, I followed him when he asked me to. And tonight, I fell to the ground.  
  
  
I miss the little things  
oh I miss everything  
  
  
Sometimes I wish I was still back in LA. Emergencies are different there. Emergencies there are when clients fall on a magazine's most powerful list. They're not when supremacists open fire on innocent victims. Things are different there.  
  
  
It doesn't mean much...  
  
  
I left California, followed Toby, so that I could make a difference. But as I sit here on my couch in the dark with a throbbing headache and one of my best friends fighting for his life, it doesn't seem as though I've made much of a difference at all.  
  
  
Sweet Surrender...  
  
  
Finally, Toby enters my office, "You ready to go?"   
  
I nod resignedly, "Yeah"   
  
He comes over to help me up, "tomorrow's going to be another long day". He says it with such weariness that for a moment I am afraid he will not be back with me to face it.  
  
"Will you come back here?"   
  
He looks up at me and I know his answer, "Yeah".  
  
And as we leave, I know that he will be back tomorrow, we both will. It doesn't matter that tonight I fell to the ground as glass shattered above me. It doesn't matter that tonight he watched his friend's blood fall through his fingers. We'll be back tomorrow.  
  
It's all that we can do.  
  
  
Sweet Surrender... 


End file.
